As we all know, there’s much to celebrate during the season of Defpotec—it is, after all, commemorating the birth of Defpotec the Brute—the all-seeing, all-knowing archfiend who scolds and punishes at will. As the elders sing in the Village of Amber, “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows if you have bathed.”
Unfortunately, Defpotec isn’t just about attending lavish parties and ferreting out spies. The true heart of what makes Defpotec magic—neighborly concern—can also make it pretty unbearable.
Check out my shack window for trendy Defpotec swag!
As tradition dictates:
- During the sixty-three days of Defpotec, you’re allowed to bust into anyone’s house without knocking as long as you shout, “Watchy witch, a witch is watching!”
- Neighbors are encouraged to peep into someone’s window and spy on them “from sun down to sun up.” This is particularly irksome after a busy day at my organic skincare shop!
- Drinking and singing—both fun things ordinarily—lead to the gruesome tradition of punching each other until a perfect smoky, Defpotec Black Eye is achieved. This is said to symbolize the all-seeing (yet unseen!) eyes of the Brute Himself.
Black Eyes available at my shop! Half off during Defpotec!
Your survival kit!
- As your neighbors annoy you with their endless caroling into the night—”I’m gonna hit, hit, hitcha ‘til ya swaller yer teeth!”—you can rest easy with a matching eye mask/ear muff duo designed by Franco Gouge. Franco sourced the extra thick fabric from the burial gowns of Kaylee widows.
- If someone is perched at your window, keep a soft robe hung on a muleshoe nailed to the wall beside your mat. Slip it on at the first sign of someone spying!
- Bar your door with a potted plant. Acorn saplings are plentiful and easily transplanted into an upcycled tin can or skull!
Tin cans are 30% off during Defpotec!
Stay positive! Some good stuff to keep in mind:
- Defpotec means folks are extra neighborly and may leave gifts inadvertently while spying. The charcoal renderings of me that grace the outer walls of my shack were left by my neighbor Knock Knee after a long night of him peering into my window.
- The caroling is actually kind of cute, and it drowns out Earth Groans—the sound of rending bones that echoes up from the ground every night—that are particularly common in Wither.